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@ -0,0 +1,916 @@
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A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? |
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A few hours grace before the madness begins again. |
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A gift of a flower will soon be made to you. |
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A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. |
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Buy the negatives at any price. |
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A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you. |
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A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work. |
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A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work. |
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A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. |
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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy. |
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Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat. |
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Advancement in position. |
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After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER! |
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Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change. |
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Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth. |
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All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly. |
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Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. |
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An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume. |
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An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future. |
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Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree. |
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Are you a turtle? |
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Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology? |
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Are you making all this up as you go along? |
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Are you sure the back door is locked? |
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Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum. |
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Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. |
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Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight. |
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Avoid reality at all costs. |
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Bank error in your favor. Collect $200. |
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Be careful! Is it classified? |
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Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10! |
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Be cautious in your daily affairs. |
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Be cheerful while you are alive. |
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-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C. |
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Be different: conform. |
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Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so |
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get used to it. |
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% |
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Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake. |
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Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. |
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Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon. |
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Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your |
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life in such a mess. |
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Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. |
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Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe. |
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Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe. |
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Beware of Bigfoot! |
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Beware of low-flying butterflies. |
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Beware the one behind you. |
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Blow it out your ear. |
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Break into jail and claim police brutality. |
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Bridge ahead. Pay troll. |
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Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. |
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Caution: Keep out of reach of children. |
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Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch. |
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% |
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Change your thoughts and you change your world. |
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Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate. |
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Chess tonight. |
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% |
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Chicken Little only has to be right once. |
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% |
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Chicken Little was right. |
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% |
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Cold hands, no gloves. |
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Communicate! It can't make things any worse. |
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Courage is your greatest present need. |
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Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed. |
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Do not overtax your powers. |
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Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. |
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Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate. |
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Do something unusual today. Pay a bill. |
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Do what comes naturally. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. |
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Domestic happiness and faithful friends. |
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Don't feed the bats tonight. |
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Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. |
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Don't get to bragging. |
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Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while. |
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Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. |
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Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today. |
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Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone. |
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Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. |
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Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you. |
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Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder. |
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Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway. |
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Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks. |
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Don't read everything you believe. |
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Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together. |
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Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. |
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Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think. |
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Don't Worry, Be Happy. |
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-- Meher Baba |
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Don't worry. Life's too long. |
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-- Vincent Sardi, Jr. |
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Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in? |
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Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition? |
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Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out. |
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Everything will be just tickety-boo today. |
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Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator. |
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Excellent day to have a rotten day. |
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Excellent time to become a missing person. |
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% |
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Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. |
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% |
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Exercise caution in your daily affairs. |
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Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you. |
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Expect the worst, it's the least you can do. |
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% |
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Fine day for friends. |
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So-so day for you. |
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% |
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Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy. |
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% |
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Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai |
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sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles. |
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Oh, and have a nice day! |
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-- Bryce Nesbitt '84 |
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% |
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Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. |
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% |
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Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. |
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Give him an evasive answer. |
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Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to |
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a new town. |
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Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough. |
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Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you. |
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Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall. |
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Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase. |
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Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses. |
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Good day to let down old friends who need help. |
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Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. |
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Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. |
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Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's |
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new lover. |
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% |
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Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets. |
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Hope that the day after you die is a nice day. |
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% |
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If you can read this, you're too close. |
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% |
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If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn |
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365 useless things. |
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If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure. |
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% |
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If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair. |
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If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow! |
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% |
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If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it. |
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% |
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In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator. |
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% |
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Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged. |
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Is that really YOU that is reading this? |
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Is this really happening? |
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% |
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It is so very hard to be an |
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on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you |
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grown-up. |
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% |
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It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done. |
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% |
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It was all so different before everything changed. |
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It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. |
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-- Churchy La Femme |
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It's all in the mind, ya know. |
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It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction. |
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Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is |
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not worth sending. |
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% |
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Just to have it is enough. |
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Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. |
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% |
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Keep it short for pithy sake. |
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Lady Luck brings added income today. Lady friend takes it away tonight. |
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% |
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Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you. |
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% |
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Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience. |
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% |
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Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. |
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% |
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"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." |
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-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" |
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Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors. |
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% |
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Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before. |
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% |
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Long life is in store for you. |
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% |
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Look afar and see the end from the beginning. |
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% |
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Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you. |
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% |
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Make a wish, it might come true. |
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% |
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Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long. |
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% |
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Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. |
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% |
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Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you. |
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% |
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Never give an inch! |
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% |
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Never look up when dragons fly overhead. |
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% |
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Never reveal your best argument. |
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% |
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Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't |
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have a lucky day this year. |
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% |
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Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose. |
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% |
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People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house. |
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% |
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Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things. |
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% |
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Questionable day. |
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Ask somebody something. |
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% |
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Reply hazy, ask again later. |
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% |
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Save energy: be apathetic. |
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% |
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Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there. |
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% |
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Slow day. Practice crawling. |
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% |
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Snow Day -- stay home. |
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% |
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So this is it. We're going to die. |
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% |
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So you're back... about time... |
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% |
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Someone is speaking well of you. |
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% |
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Someone is speaking well of you. |
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How unusual! |
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% |
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Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. |
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% |
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Stay away from flying saucers today. |
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% |
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Stay away from hurricanes for a while. |
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% |
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Stay the curse. |
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% |
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That secret you've been guarding, isn't. |
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% |
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The time is right to make new friends. |
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% |
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The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes. |
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-- George Gobel |
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% |
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There is a 20% chance of tomorrow. |
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% |
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There is a fly on your nose. |
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% |
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There was a phone call for you. |
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% |
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There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. |
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% |
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Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face. |
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% |
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Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click". |
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% |
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This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself. |
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% |
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This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it. |
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% |
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Time to be aggressive. Go after a tattooed Virgo. |
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Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. |
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Today is the first day of the rest of the mess. |
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Today is the first day of the rest of your life. |
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Today is the last day of your life so far. |
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Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. |
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Today is what happened to yesterday. |
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Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. |
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-- Hunter S. Thompson |
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Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest. |
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Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, |
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it can still be changed today. |
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Tomorrow, you can be anywhere. |
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Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip. |
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Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree. |
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Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live |
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in eucalyptus trees. |
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Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.) |
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Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. |
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Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. |
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Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances. |
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Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. |
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-- Ashleigh Brilliant |
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Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. |
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Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week. |
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Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life. |
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What happened last night can happen again. |
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While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and |
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are making another attack. |
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Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply. |
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You are a bundle of energy, always on the go. |
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You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here. |
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You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are. |
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You are always busy. |
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You are as I am with You. |
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You are capable of planning your future. |
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You are confused; but this is your normal state. |
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You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. |
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You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the |
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department of transportation. |
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You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. |
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You are fairminded, just and loving. |
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You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend. |
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You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way. |
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You are going to have a new love affair. |
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You are magnetic in your bearing. |
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You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports. |
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You are number 6! Who is number one? |
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. |
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You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you |
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have few friends. |
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You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person. |
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You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep. |
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You are standing on my toes. |
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You are taking yourself far too seriously. |
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You are the only person to ever get this message. |
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You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading |
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this sort of trash. |
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You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity. |
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You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. |
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You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt |
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is concerned. |
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You can rent this space for only $5 a week. |
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You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body. |
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You definitely intend to start living sometime soon. |
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You dialed 5483. |
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You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. |
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You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one. |
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You enjoy the company of other people. |
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You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to. |
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You fill a much-needed gap. |
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You get along very well with everyone except animals and people. |
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You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to |
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leave it behind. |
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You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. |
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You have a deep interest in all that is artistic. |
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You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. |
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A pity that it's totally undeserved. |
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You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. |
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You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex. |
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You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. |
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You have a truly strong individuality. |
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You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact. |
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You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. |
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You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. |
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You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly. |
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% |
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You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to |
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metal objects which are not fastened down. |
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You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships. |
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% |
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You have been selected for a secret mission. |
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% |
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You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy. |
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You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. |
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You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. |
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You have many friends and very few living enemies. |
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You have no real enemies. |
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You have taken yourself too seriously. |
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% |
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You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled. |
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You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. |
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You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. |
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You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE |
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"SOMEONE ELSE." |
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You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. |
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% |
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You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled. |
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% |
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You look tired. |
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You love peace. |
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You love your home and want it to be beautiful. |
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You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today. |
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% |
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You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely |
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larger than others. |
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You may be recognized soon. Hide. |
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You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it! |
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You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will |
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be sold. |
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You need more time; and you probably always will. |
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% |
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You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead. |
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You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. |
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% |
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You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach. |
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% |
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You now have Asian Flu. |
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% |
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You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat. |
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% |
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You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution. |
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% |
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You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. |
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% |
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You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own. |
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% |
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You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite. |
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% |
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You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. |
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% |
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You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. |
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You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially |
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if they are dead. |
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You should go home. |
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You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess. |
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You teach best what you most need to learn. |
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% |
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You too can wear a nose mitten. |
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% |
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You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years. |
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You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. |
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You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. |
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You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. |
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You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old. |
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You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part. |
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% |
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You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. |
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% |
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You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of |
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a lion, and the face of Donald Duck. |
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% |
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You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service. |
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% |
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You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone. |
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% |
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You will be awarded some great honor. |
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You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously. |
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% |
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You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. |
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% |
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You will be divorced within a year. |
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% |
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You will be given a post of trust and responsibility. |
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% |
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You will be held hostage by a radical group. |
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You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause. |
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You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery. |
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% |
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You will be married within a year, and divorced within two. |
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You will be married within a year. |
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% |
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You will be misunderstood by everyone. |
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% |
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You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. |
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% |
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You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier. |
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% |
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You will be run over by a beer truck. |
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You will be run over by a bus. |
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You will be singled out for promotion in your work. |
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% |
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You will be successful in love. |
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% |
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You will be surprised by a loud noise. |
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% |
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You will be surrounded by luxury. |
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% |
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You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler. |
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% |
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You will be the victim of a bizarre joke. |
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You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself. |
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% |
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You will be traveling and coming into a fortune. |
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% |
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You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery. |
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% |
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You will become rich and famous unless you don't. |
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% |
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You will contract a rare disease. |
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% |
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You will engage in a profitable business activity. |
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% |
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You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass. |
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% |
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You will feel hungry again in another hour. |
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% |
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You will forget that you ever knew me. |
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% |
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You will gain money by a fattening action. |
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% |
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You will gain money by a speculation or lottery. |
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% |
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You will gain money by an illegal action. |
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% |
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You will gain money by an immoral action. |
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% |
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You will get what you deserve. |
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% |
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You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford. |
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% |
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You will have a long and boring life. |
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% |
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You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor. |
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% |
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You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends. |
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% |
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You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. |
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% |
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You will have long and healthy life. |
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% |
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You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you. |
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% |
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You will inherit millions of dollars. |
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% |
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You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. |
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% |
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You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money. |
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% |
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You will live to see your grandchildren. |
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% |
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You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise |
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salesman. |
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% |
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You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. |
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% |
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You will never know hunger. |
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% |
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You will not be elected to public office this year. |
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% |
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You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears. |
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% |
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You will outgrow your usefulness. |
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% |
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You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. |
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% |
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You will pass away very quickly. |
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% |
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You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard |
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this message. |
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% |
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You will pioneer the first Martian colony. |
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% |
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You will probably marry after a very brief courtship. |
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% |
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You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession. |
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% |
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You will receive a legacy which will place you above want. |
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% |
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You will remember something that you should not have forgotten. |
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% |
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You will soon forget this. |
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% |
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You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. |
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% |
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You will step on the night soil of many countries. |
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% |
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You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your |
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brakes are defective. |
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% |
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You will triumph over your enemy. |
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% |
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You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon. |
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% |
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You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. |
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% |
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You will wish you hadn't. |
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% |
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You work very hard. Don't try to think as well. |
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% |
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You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. |
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% |
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You would if you could but you can't so you won't. |
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% |
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You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow. |
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% |
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You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people. |
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% |
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You'll be sorry... |
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% |
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You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's |
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heel. |
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% |
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You'll feel much better once you've given up hope. |
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% |
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You'll never be the man your mother was! |
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% |
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You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, |
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they're not all recommended. |
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% |
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You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier |
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to do. |
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% |
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You're a card which will have to be dealt with. |
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% |
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You're almost as happy as you think you are. |
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% |
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You're at the end of the road again. |
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% |
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You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days. |
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% |
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You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life." |
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% |
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You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is. |
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% |
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You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that |
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you're growing into. |
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% |
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You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!! |
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% |
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You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. |
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% |
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You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human. |
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% |
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You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. |
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% |
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Your aim is high and to the right. |
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% |
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Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. |
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% |
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Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a |
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thing he tells you. |
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% |
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Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't |
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really worth having. |
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% |
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Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong. |
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% |
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Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. |
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% |
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Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers. |
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% |
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Your business will assume vast proportions. |
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% |
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Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion. |
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% |
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Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways. |
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% |
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Your domestic life may be harmonious. |
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% |
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Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now). |
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% |
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Your goose is cooked. |
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(Your current chick is burned up too!) |
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% |
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Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. |
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% |
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Your ignorance cramps my conversation. |
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% |
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Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret. |
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% |
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Your love life will be happy and harmonious. |
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% |
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Your love life will be... interesting. |
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% |
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Your lover will never wish to leave you. |
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% |
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Your lucky color has faded. |
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% |
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Your lucky number has been disconnected. |
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% |
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Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere. |
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% |
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Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. |
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% |
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Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. |
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% |
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Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be |
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misinterpreted by somebody. |
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% |
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Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. |
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% |
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Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life. |
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% |
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Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world. |
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% |
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Your present plans will be successful. |
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% |
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Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong. |
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% |
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Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner. |
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% |
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Your sister swims out to meet troop ships. |
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% |
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Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement. |
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|
% |
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|
Your step will soil many countries. |
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|
% |
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|
|
Your supervisor is thinking about you. |
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|
% |
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Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. |
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% |
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Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner. |
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% |
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|
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. |
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% |
Matthew Faltys
Matthew Faltys